Three Little Birds

So, I am thinking that I WANT to be more strict on myself and I NEED to blog more often. It is theraputic, and in essense a record for my family history. So here's me trying to be good about it again....

Yesterday was a big bummer of a day.  My Mother and I are in a seemingly neverending dispute.  The bottom line is that I called her (again) on her smoking addiction and how I will not expose my children directly to it. It's obvious to most people as to why, but unfortunately she does not see it.  We had gone through this charade already with her and her husband smoking inside their house LAST winter.  It's because they are too lazy to go outside and smoke.  But, eventually they will ablige when the weather is nicer, and I allow the kids to go back over there....This cycle has happened a few times, and quite frankly I am tired of the decieving.  She acts like I can't smell it as soon as I walk in the front door, and of course says nothing about it.  What makes me livid is that I am SURE that the smoking goes on behind my back while my children are there and I am not.   So I told her my children would no longer be allowed in her home until she chose to no longer smoke inside it.  *Insert offensive language and hurt feelings here*  So, I will just have to wait it out and let her decide when she wants to see the kids outside of her home.  Unfortunately, my Grandmother who is 86, also is being exposed to this air pollution daily because they live in HER home.   It makes me want to scream from my Mother and her husband's selfishness. But I can do nothing.  I have talked to my Grandmother, she says that she loves me but "doesn't want to get involved in it"....My brother has said the same thing to me....Basically, "you two can handle it yourselves, I am not getting in the middle"  So what this tells me is that my family is a bunch of non-confrontational enablers.  Thankyouverymuch.  All I can do is protect my kids. That is the bottom line.  I have cut toxic people out of my life like the Cancer they are...and I will tell you, no one person is exempt from that fate.   Unfortunately my family is  'Nuttier than Squirrel Turds" as some would say!!!  Almost all of my Aunts, Uncles, cousins and such blood relatives on my mothers side are either living their own lives "away" from everyone else and they do not communicate. Or, whatever relationship that is there is what I would call "cordial" and consists of no more than that of accquaintance.  It is sad, but it is what it is.  

It is of no surprise after that crappy of a day, that I would wake up to absolute drearyness this morning and feel blue.  But then, as I was driving Jaxon to school this morning, I had an "AH HA moment" as good ol Oprah would say.  I felt very blessed. Driving in the rain, listening to my kids laugh in the back seat, and all of a sudden a song cycles on my iPod.  It is one of my favorites, 3 Little Birds by Bob Marley.  I listen to it alot in the summertime with the top off my Jeep and I for a second feel like I'm back on vacation in Hawaii again. But today, it is not sunny and warm. Instead I listen to the lyrics....
"Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:")

Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

You have to listen to it, but it is a great song.   And I thought, here I have my 3 little birds and they are laughing and acting silly and happy.  And this is what life is about. This is the good stuff.  Why spend time being sad for someone elses bad choices and miss out on the joy that I have in front of me???  I cannot base my life on that.  I am grateful for my Three little birds and what they have given me. A reason to focus on the sunshine in my life, and to have the faith that there will always be clearer skies in the future. 

Brigham's Big Day

So much has happened since my last post!!!! I gave birth to the most beautiful little boy that you have ever seen last Friday, Sept. 17^th at 2 am!!! His name is Brigham Michael Kopp, and he was born weighing 5 lbs, 14 oz and 18 ¾ inches long.  What an amazing journey that it has been!!!!!!  He wasn’t supposed to be born until October the 6^th, but since my blood pressure started to rise the Dr.’s felt it was wise to induce labor and get him out a wee bit early.  So, they had me come in at 6:30 on Thursday the 16^th.  I was nervous, but I felt prepared….Well, as prepared as you can be for the mammoth undertakeing that lied ahead of me.  I chuckled with the nurse that took me to my delivery room that I felt like I was “walkin the green mile”….I checked in and put on my pretty hospital gown that I had brought with me. It made me feel a little more comfortable to be covered and feel pulled together.  I was the starlet with the leading role, already in costume and waiting for my cue.  They strapped me up with monitors to keep track of my contractions and Brigham’s heartbeat. Hearing it was a bit comforting to me…I knew that soon I would get to meet the owner of that heart, and I was giddy with anticipation.  Check the clock: The time was about 7:30 pm when Dr. Hartman came in to start the Cervadil.  The goal was to let that sit inside and let it ripen my cervix overnight until about 4:30 am when they were going to start the Pitocin.  At that time, I was only dialated to a 1.  So the waiting game begins….. I almost immediately started to get “crampy”. I was thinking, “YUCK!!!! I remember this feeling…..Oh man, I wish they would wait until the morning to do this, I will never get any sleep tonight”  So Seth and I start a movie…We watch Clash of the Titans.  We wait some more…..I feel things getting stronger as the movie plays.  I tell the nurse around 9 that I am feeling really crampy and can I get a Motrin or something. She says no L She suggests that I take an Ambien to sleep because I am allowed that, and it will help. I am doubtful. She tells me to think about it, and then leaves.  Boooooooo. I want something for my pain please. Around this time, I have to use the bathroom, only to find that the Cervadil fell out. Oooppps.  What now I ask the nurse??? She talks to the Dr. and they say they will just leave it out and do the pitocin in the morning as planned.  SHEW!!!!!! I feel like I have just dodged a bullet!!!!! HAHA!!!!!! Now, surely I will stop cramping up and get some sleep!!!!!!!! No such luck……Around 10ish, she comes back, I told her I will take the stupid Ambien…still doubtful that it will make me sleep.  How would you go to sleep if someone keep hitting your finger with a hammer every minute??  She asks me what my pain is on a scale from 1 to 10….I am glancing back at the contraction monitor and seeing that it has barely made it over 25, (the highest contraction being at 100)…I am trying not to be a wuss here.  I sheepishly say it’s about a 4 or 5.  So I take the Ambien and wait for it to work miracles……no such luck.  Another hour passes by, it’s now 11pm.  Things on the contraction monitor are still not showing much progress…..I feel differently though!!!! These things HURT!!!! I tell Seth that I am really uncomfortable, and I must be getting too old for this crap because it is way too early for me to be in this much pain!!!!! He starts my meditation music and I just try to relax at this point.  The nurse comes back and I am still awake.  She says “No luck, huh?” No lady, I am still awake. Take your ghetto sleeping pill and shove it.  At this point I am wavering on my no narcotics stance.  Seth and the nurse are both trying to convince me that I need my rest.  It would probably help they say…. I hated being given the Stadol crap when I was in labor with Jaxon. It makes you delirious….high as a kite delirious, but still in pain.  Ugggghhh. I HATE that feeling. I hate the lack of control you have over your mental state.  However, my allegiance is wavering and the pain makes me change my mind….OK, I sigh….just go ahead and give it to me (disappointment in my voice)….I would really rather not, but I’m SO stinking uncomfortable!!!!!!!  My Nurse says she needs to check my cervix to see how far I am dilated…I’m now a three she says. Great!!!!!! Your progressing nicely!!!!! ……Here is me..yay.  I should be more. She then administers the Stadol drug from LaLa land.  I immediately start imagining unicorns and dancing wedges of cheese……I am still dumbfounded that people actually LIKE this feeling.  UGGGGHHHHH!!!!!  I am trying to keep my composure here. I do my best not to talk to anyone, because I know I will start random conversations about underwater basket weaving and how much I do not like Tofu.  At this stage things get a little hazy………………………………………..I am in a drug induced awake/ delirious sleepy state where I am still feeling like crap, but I am kind of sleeping for 10 minute spots and then waking up again…… So around 12:30 am I am awake again…..Seth is passed out on the couch. I am still in pain. At least I got a crazy nap with crazy dreams……I sit there for a bit, and eventually wake Seth up around 1ish. I tell him that I am going to hurt someone.  I need the drugs again!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am angry because it is still so early in this process and I am in so much pain!!!!!!! I reiterate that I am possibly too old for this crap because I don’t remember it being this painful so early on with the last two.  I am watching the contraction monitor….it is really doing a number on my ego to see the stupid line only go to about 35-40…..I think to myself, you have got to be kidding me here.  I am now panting LOUDLY….heeeee heeeee heeeeeee……..Hoooooo hoooooo hooooooooooooo. I am trying to be tough, but my resolve is going fast…..Whatever that stupid monitor is saying; these things are coming like every 30 seconds… Nurse Lady!!!!!!!!!!!! I need something NOW!!!!!!!! I would like my epidural, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So they call the anesthesiologist.   I feel my water break while I am sitting there waiting….. It is approximately 1:45 a.m. when he comes in….I am thanking Jesus.  At this point I am in SO much pain that I am weaving a tapestry of obscenities……not cursing mind you, but I am talking to Jesus and praying that he will help me……. The anesthesiologist is asking me if I will be able to sit still long enough for him to work his magic…I am bound and determined to try.  I swing my legs over the bed to sit up and try to let him. The nurse is in front of me and I am wanting to shoot myself, I look into her eyes and plead for her with a desperateness I am sure she has not seen before.  Here is what the conversation sounded like…..Me “ Please, please!!!!!! I need you to cut him out…I am serious…I am going to die.” Nurse “You are gonna do this, you are fine!!!!! You are strong!!!!” Me “Oh MY GOSH!!!!!!!!! This pain is going to kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You gotta DO SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!....The pressure!!!!! I have to push….It HURTS SO BAD!! “ Nurse “NO!!!!! You can’t push yet, your going to rip your cervix….your not ready to push”  Me….”Oh, I am going to push, I can’t help it!!!!!!!”                  Now at this time, you have to imagine this nurse looking at the contraction monitor and it barely reading 50. She was probably looking at me thinking this chick is losing it, what a psycho.  I am sure she thought I was a total wuss…… Me” I need to stand up…this pressure hurts so bad, I can’t sit down….” Nurse, “NO, you can’t get up, you need to stay in the bed….go ahead and lay down again”  All the while the anesthesiologist is just standing there watching this misery unfold.  I am sure that he was thinking I was a loon as well.    At this point all I could think to do was push, the pressure was so mind numbing that I couldn’t NOT do it….My body was taking over and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I swing my legs back into the bed and put my hand “down there” only to feel a head crowning….I am pretty sure I said something to that effect.  I felt like I had to push again and so I did…..and out he came.  With one push.  The nurse that had just walked in the door from hearing all of the commotion said, “We have a baby!!!!!” I am like “OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!”    She immediately picked him up off of the bed and set him on my stomach. And there I was face to face with this slimy little boy.   It all happened SO FAST, everyone was stunned.  There were hands everywhere, rubbing him off…clamping things…..I was delirious as to what just happened. Seth cut the cord, but I don’t remember it.  I was so in shock at this point.   No one expected him to come that fast……Not even Dr. Hartman, who didn’t make it there in time.    So there I was, no pain meds…no epidural….no Dr……..they didn’t even have enough time to break the bed apart. He was pushed out right there on the mattress.  About 10 minutes later, Dr. Hartman comes walking in, looking kind of dejected that he wasn’t needed. He delivered the placenta…lol.  I heard he was disappointed.  From there, was a lot of scurrying of nurses and people taking care of Brig, measuring and doing his footprints….taking blood and all of that stuff.  I had Seth take pictures of it all.  I am still in awe with how fast it all happened when things started to get crazy.  I blame that stupid monitor for not acknowledging my pain thankyouverymuch. Because had it read my contractions right and I knew that I was in full blown labor, I would have asked for my epidural earlier and not second guessed my pain tolerance.  But now I can say that I am part of that “natural childbirth” club.  Whatever that may mean.  I think they forgot to give me my medal at the hospital.

What's new with the Kopps

So I think we have established that I am not very good at keeping up to my Blog, but I promise to start writing on here once a week for posterity. So Seth and I just returned home from our wonderful trip to Seattle, WA. It was a much needed break for me to eat, tour the city, sleep late and be as completely lazy as I wanted to be. We were able to take one day and even drive out to Forks, WA and through the Olympic National Forest. It was absolutely amazing, and well worth the almost 4 hour drive. (My husband puts up with so much!!!) In reality though, it was nice to get to spend so much uninterupted time with Seth. We actually were able to have conversations that weren't spaced over the course of several hours because our children kept delaying them. It was beautimous. We were also able to see several of the "sights" including famous "Underground Tour", Pikes Place Market, The Space Needle and the Seattle Temple. Not to mention the fact that Seth did an awesome job with his presentation at the CEC (Council for Exceptional Children) and how proud I was to watch him recieve his award for Teacher of the Year. It was a great week, and we have many wonderful memories because of it. Sunday morning at 0'dark thirty we left our hotel at the Sheraton to drop off our rental car at the Airport and start our journey home. The plane ride was for 4 1/2 hours non-stop to JFK in New York. It wasn't too bad...we watched a movie on our laps, and even played some trivia gaming on the little TV's located on everyone's head rest....Airplanes have suddenly gotten a little more fun....However the connecting flight from New York, to Baltimore was not that wonderful. We basically boarded what I refer to as a "puddle jumper" which is basically a schoolbus with wings. I am serious people....little planes are NOT fun. First of all...there is NO room on these things...not to stand..sit...stow your stuff...anything. Second...I don't even know what the stewardess was needed for, because she sat right in front of us the whole time....Maybe it was because the flight was so short.....35minutes to be exact. But I can tell you, I will not be taking any little planes again anytime soon. I thought I was going to have a panic attack from the lack of space/air/room to breathe. But we made it to Baltimore thankfully, and were greeted by our wonderful children. I almost cried when Jaxon ran up to me and hugged me!!! I had missed that little bugger so MUCH!!!! And Evie!! It looked as if she had grown a foot since we saw her! As soon as she saw her Momma, she had this look of pure joy on her face. I must admit, it was heartwarming. From that point on she would not let go of me for 10 minutes....I had to squeeze in sideways between their carseats so that they could hold onto my arms and hands...The joys of motherhood!!! It was a really wonderful moment to see how much they missed us. Once we got home, it was funny to hear Jaxon talk about his week with Grammie and Pap. He immediately asked us where his presents were....and then showed us the stuff that Grammie had bought him while we were away. Yesterday he asked us the funniest thing.....
Jaxon-"Mommy when are we going to Target?"
I said to him, "Jaxon, we are not going to Target today."
Jaxon-"But MOM...We need to GO there"
Me- "Why do you need to go to Target?"
Jaxon- "Cause, Mom! That's where you GET stuff...at Tar-GET."

And while we are on the subject...here are another few conversations that we have had lately...

Seth was shaving for church one morning and Jaxon was watching him in the bathroom. Jaxon thought that the whole process was quite intreaging. Seth apparently uses clippers to cut his beard down, so he can then shave off the stubble with a razor. Jaxon, sitting nearby notices that Seth's beard hair was falling down into the sink.
Jaxon-"Daddy what are you doing?"
Seth-"I'm shavin my beard"
Jaxon-"But DADDY!!!!! Your FACEFEATHERS are falling OFF!!!!!!"


Another night, Seth and Jaxon were sitting around a campfire at our neighbors house. As they threw on the logs to keep the fire going, the sparks would fly up into the air. Jaxon saw these and commented:
"Daddy!!! Did you see those FIRE SPRINKLES???????"

I will keep you all posted on any exciting new conversations that are to be had with Jaxon...

Scaredy Cats, Sleepless Nights and Bed Tents

Do you remember this show?? I used to watch it when I was probably about 12 or 13. It was one of those 80's Nickalodeon shows that came on. It was about a group of kids that would get together and tell scary stories around the campfire. I recently was able to watch a re-run of one such episode on some re-run channel. I must say, it was rather cheesy/wierd/ yet funny. I have no idea why I watched it other than morbid curiousity and bordom. So recently we have had our own scary version of the show. It all revolves around Jaxon, and getting the child to sleep in his own bed. The miraculous and wonderful powers of a TENT. I really don't know what VooDoo magic it has, but thank you Jesus for allowing us to stumble upon its redeeming qualities. You see, for the past oh...3 months or so. Our wonderful, sweet little boy has been sleeping on the floor in our bedroom. Yes, thats right, 3 long and horrible months. I have no idea how it started, maybe the child was sick. Maybe he had a nightmare, I don't even remember. But I warn you people, NEVER, I repeat--- NEVER let your child sleep with you in your room, because it will always work against you in the end. Needless to say, it caused quite the situation in our home for more than one reason that I will just let you figure out yourself..... So, we had been trying without much success to wrangle that little man into his own bed. And of course we would be greeted with much protest and tears, hyperventilating on both ends, and quite a few sleepless nights for all partys involved. The conversations would go something like this.....

Me: "Jaxon, it's time for bed, we have to do prayers now."
Jaxon: "Noooooooo Mom!!! I can't go to bed!!!! I just went to sleep!!!!!!!!"
Me: "You didn't even take a nap today!"
Jaxon: (starting to get teary eyed)"But Mom! I can't sleep down here, I'll be scared! I want to sleep upstairs with you!"
Me: "No! Your not sleeping with Mommy and Daddy anymore, your a big boy now, and big boys sleep in their own beds."
Jaxon: (Spilling more crocodile tears) "But MOOoooooom!!! I'm not Big, I'm just small!! and I will be scared by myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Me: (the heartless, cruel mother) JAXON!!! GET IN BED!!! YOUR SLEEPING IN THERE TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Ensue alot of tears and emotion as the child runs off to his bed, and close curtain)
Even when we managed to make him stay in his own bed, and fall asleep, the wily bugger would creep up into our room in the wee hours of the night and fall asleep either on our floor, or we would wake up with him asleep in our bed. We have tried being nice and telling him that Heavenly Father and Jesus will protect him...We have tried bribing the kid...We have tried punishing him with all sorts of things, but nothing worked. Finally, one evening my friend Melissa came to spend the night and brought her two kids with her. Seth was camping with some friends, so we decided to have some "girl time" in the form of a slumber party. We set up her two kids and Jaxon in his room, and Meliss had the great idea of making a tent on the floor for the boys to sleep under. This would be the turning point in my life, because the very next night Jaxon asked to sleep in the tent again on the floor in his own room!!! I heard the angels sing at that moment!!!!!!!! I had visions of sleeping in my own bed, without a 3 year old crowding me off of the side! It was a miracle! Needless to say, Jaxon now enjoys sleeping in his room. Since then, Seth has purchased a wonderful new thing called a "bed tent". I remember these things from when I was a kid, and always wanted one, but never got one. Basically, it a tent that clips onto the mattress, and now the kid will sleep in his own bed!!!!! So along with that and what we call a "magic quilt" that also has special magic to keep him safe, I believe that we have succeeded. Thank you Jesus!!!!! And thank you Melissa for opening my eyes to what a restful nights sleep can be.

Halloween Fun!

Howdy folks, just another update on the homefront. I can hardly believe that 2008 is almost over with. Halloween has just passed us, and we had a major blast. Luckily, we were able to dress up for 4, that's right you read it, FOUR different activities. (I have heard that one is more than enough for the normal person, but who are we kidding-- I am FAR from normal.) So we did two church trunk or treats (one for the ward and one for the branch), REAL trick or treating on Halloween, AND our annual party the day AFTER halloween. WHEW!! It was a whirlwind, but we managed it and I had a blast doing it.

Autumn is my favorite time of year..

Did I mention to you all that I LOVE the FALL?? Its the colors of the leaves, the slight chill in the air that calls for bonfires in the evenings, and the way that the earth gives up her bounty to harvest. But, most of all...I love to rake the leaves into piles and jump in them!!! Here are a few pics of the kids enjoying that very same pastime!

I can recall as a child, the monotonous chore of having ENDLESS leaves in our yard. We lived on the edge of the woods back then too, but for some reason, I think trees had more leaves then or something! My brother and I would be forced to work in the yard many a glorious fall day, none other than raking leaves. So...naturally, we would turn it into a game. I can recall one day in particular that we had been raking forever, and we were trying to devise a way that would make our work lighter. Our chore consisted of raking the leaves into piles, and then stuffing them into a large rubbermaid trashcan until it was bursting at the seams. Then we proceeded to drag the heavy thing all the way back to our back yard far enough into the woods "that my mom couldn't see it". It was torture... I hated it, and it took waaaaaay too long. (A four-wheeler may have been useful here) So, my mind being crafty as is was devised a fabulous plan that included our family dog "Cisco" who was at the time a VERY unruly and strong german shepard. He was technically still a puppy, with a TON of energy to burn....I figured why not harness it?? (Literally) You can see where this is going I'm sure....(Hey the Amish people do it) So I smartly harnessed up ol Cisco, who was clueless by the way, to our brimming trash can. All the while I had visions of myself being just like a sled dog leader, getting ready for his mission. I was giddy with anticipation, and my inginuity. That's where the dream ends. I have no idea why I thought that as soon as I let go of the leash that he would follow me no problem, but that is far from what REALLY happened. As soon as I let go of it, Cisco moved only a foot or so, but then realized that the trash can behind him was actually ATTACHED to him. This did not bode well. All of a sudden he took off like a bullet (I swear that dog must have had some greyhound in him or something) and headed for the back yard, but no sooner had I started to chase him, he had already lapped my brother and I and come around the house again, trailing the huge heavy trash can behind him. Suddenly, the trash can hit some of the large rocks that we had in our flower garden and it pole vaulted it into the air. I felt like I was watching the whole thing in slo mo.....the lid came off and a shower of leaves went everywhere. But that is not where the dog stopped, no, he kept going. This time running towards are large above ground pool and starting sprinting laps around that thing. The whole time, laying a trail of leaves that were spilling out of the now open trash can. Eventually the dog ran out of steam, and we managed to catch him. His eyes were wide, and I was sure he was going to have a heart attack. But for some reason, my brother and I could not contain ourselves after the initial shock wore off, and I think I might have peed my pants that day laughing so hard. (I know you are thinking poor dog, but he managed to survive our antics LOooong after that ordeal and reasonably unscathed might I add. I dont even think he had an aversion to trash cans after that...lol) Unfortunately my Mom did eventually find out....I can't remember if I told her thinking she would laugh about it, or if my brother leaked the info...but I ended up being grounded for my stunt. And I was forced to rake the leaves up that the dog had drug out all over the yard.......The moral of the tale? Don't get caught next time.

The Halloween that Almost Isn't....

As most of you already know, I am just a little into Halloween and all of it's festivities. Sadly though, this year it doesn't quite feel like Halloween yet. Because of all of my new schooling responsibilities, I am rarely given free time. This has hindered my decorating abilities. I am sure that you can realize what a travesty this is in my life. Right now the extent of my holiday decor consists of 1 pack of Martha Stewart paper spider cut outs, and a couple of pumpkins on our porch.......Thats it folks. I think even the "normal" people have more decorations out than I do. And thus, my dillemma. Yes. It has been a very sad month in the life of Amber Kopp. What't worse, is that I have less than 2 weeks to figure out and make a themed costume getup for my entire family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!! Now THATS scary. People are telling me, "Amber, it's TOTALLY understandable, your so busy...Just put any old costume on your kids, they won't remember it!!!" I say SHUT YO MOUTH! How could I???? That would be an ink spot on the face of my creativity!!!! So I am going to have to find a way out of this mess myself. I will let you all know what I end up thinking of. In other news...we did manage to paint some pumpkins at the Mannings house for FHE last week. It was a fun activity, and since we are all so busy, we have dropped our group FHE's to one Monday a month. (SAD!!!) But, it really makes it mean alot more when you don't see each other that much. So, even though Jaxon was feeling a little under the weather, we went and spent time with our friends.