Yesterday was a big bummer of a day. My Mother and I are in a seemingly neverending dispute. The bottom line is that I called her (again) on her smoking addiction and how I will not expose my children directly to it. It's obvious to most people as to why, but unfortunately she does not see it. We had gone through this charade already with her and her husband smoking inside their house LAST winter. It's because they are too lazy to go outside and smoke. But, eventually they will ablige when the weather is nicer, and I allow the kids to go back over there....This cycle has happened a few times, and quite frankly I am tired of the decieving. She acts like I can't smell it as soon as I walk in the front door, and of course says nothing about it. What makes me livid is that I am SURE that the smoking goes on behind my back while my children are there and I am not. So I told her my children would no longer be allowed in her home until she chose to no longer smoke inside it. *Insert offensive language and hurt feelings here* So, I will just have to wait it out and let her decide when she wants to see the kids outside of her home. Unfortunately, my Grandmother who is 86, also is being exposed to this air pollution daily because they live in HER home. It makes me want to scream from my Mother and her husband's selfishness. But I can do nothing. I have talked to my Grandmother, she says that she loves me but "doesn't want to get involved in it"....My brother has said the same thing to me....Basically, "you two can handle it yourselves, I am not getting in the middle" So what this tells me is that my family is a bunch of non-confrontational enablers. Thankyouverymuch. All I can do is protect my kids. That is the bottom line. I have cut toxic people out of my life like the Cancer they are...and I will tell you, no one person is exempt from that fate. Unfortunately my family is 'Nuttier than Squirrel Turds" as some would say!!! Almost all of my Aunts, Uncles, cousins and such blood relatives on my mothers side are either living their own lives "away" from everyone else and they do not communicate. Or, whatever relationship that is there is what I would call "cordial" and consists of no more than that of accquaintance. It is sad, but it is what it is.
It is of no surprise after that crappy of a day, that I would wake up to absolute drearyness this morning and feel blue. But then, as I was driving Jaxon to school this morning, I had an "AH HA moment" as good ol Oprah would say. I felt very blessed. Driving in the rain, listening to my kids laugh in the back seat, and all of a sudden a song cycles on my iPod. It is one of my favorites, 3 Little Birds by Bob Marley. I listen to it alot in the summertime with the top off my Jeep and I for a second feel like I'm back on vacation in Hawaii again. But today, it is not sunny and warm. Instead I listen to the lyrics....
"Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"
Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:")
Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"
You have to listen to it, but it is a great song. And I thought, here I have my 3 little birds and they are laughing and acting silly and happy. And this is what life is about. This is the good stuff. Why spend time being sad for someone elses bad choices and miss out on the joy that I have in front of me??? I cannot base my life on that. I am grateful for my Three little birds and what they have given me. A reason to focus on the sunshine in my life, and to have the faith that there will always be clearer skies in the future.
